i doubt anyone will reamber me here,
i seriously havent posted in over a year.
& ive just read a post i left on my journal saying how i was 100 pounds , i wrote that september 2007,
its now december 2008 & im 125 pounds :| :|
im 5ft 5 btw.
i havent been on here in so long coz last time i was on i left it open while i went to the toilet, my mum came in and looked on the computer ...saw everythink so i was busted.
my mum watched me for a while when i ate & how often ect..
but then after a while she realised that she didnt have much to worrie about.
for about a month after she found it,  i just stopped, and ate when ever i wanted and what i wanted
it wasnt so bad back then coz i did still have control.
then my boyfriend of two years who i loved with all my heart, finished it with me.
randomly out the blue, i was so hurt i didnt know what to do
then i found out he'd been texting my 'best friend' saying he wanted to with her ( get this aswell she was also his best friends girlfriend)
i stayed friends with the girl coz i knew she loved her boyfriend and she had no feelings for my ex, i was just a bit pissed she never told me but oh well, so i was determined to get him back, we stayed really close friends for a few weeks & i had it in my head that we would get back together, and then this lad who was a decent lad asked me out and i said yea, GOD knows why coz i was still in love with my ex, looking back i was ovbiously playing games. it lasted two days lol, i had no intrest in this guy at all.. i just wanted to be with my ex ... i finsihed this lad .. but i never spoke to my ex again , he wanted to get back with me & then i went out with some guy for a few days, he was pissed at me so bad.
i was broken..so my eating habits started again..
i went weeks without eating a decent meal.
it was hard aswell coz we had to sit next to each other in most our lessons, we never spoke a word.
i, if im honest, stayed friends with her, the girl he was texting, for simply one reason, compition .. she wasnt fat or skinny she was like 5'3 and 100lbs.. she wasnt really pretty just average.. i wanted to stay 'friends' with her, so when i lost all the weight id look better than her, yet again making him jelous..
& i lost the weight, i looked better than her but he didnt care, he ovbiously didnt like her or me anymore
it was so wierd coz we'd both catch each other looking at one another all the time, but never speak
feelings was ovbiously still there..but i just gave up.
i kept eating..and eating.
and here i am a year later 125 lbs.
i dont think i love him any more though,  ive got feelings for a lad (lets say urm 'mick') and i have done for a while
i see him occasionaly, and when i do omg i love seeing him, we do talk but no alot,
but were always smiling, staring at each other..
but he's got this 'of&on' girlfriend..and when i say of and on its not really
he went out with her in february for like 2 months.. and they hated each other for months and never spoke
but recently on her myspace shes been posting these bullitins with quiz's,, and questions are like 'who was the last person who text you' she answers 'mick'..,& 'who was the last person to kiss you'. again she answers 'mick'
so i dont know whats going on with them two, but i literally cant stop thinking about him.
and on the 14th december, hes gonna be at a party im going to ...
we all have to dress nicley, so im thinking of wearing a dress..or skinny jeans with a nice top.
i desperatly need to loose a few extra pounds..
ive got the house 2 my self from 9am-3.30pm, so i exersice in the day time, my mum & brothers come home and think ive eaten lunch..when i havent.
but recently, i havent had the motivation to exercise as much,
i can control my eating fine, but exersicing i cant.
i used to be able to go into my room & exersice as much as i wanted 2-3 hours.
but now i get to 200 crunches and i give up.
ive tried looking at thinspo, but it doesnt really help..
the only thing that does is watching britney spears at the vmas in 2001 perfoming im a slave 4 u, man she looks amazing.
cheryl coles really stunning aswel & really skinny,
doess anyone know any exersices that help ?
and/or any adive to  help me to keep modivated while exersicing?
i really wanna look my best for the 14th,
i feel a mess.
and i finally wanna get somewhere with this

I feel like such a fat pig :(
i have eaten two biscuits, a kit kat, slice of toast and a paket of crisps :|
i dont even know why i eat them, i was not even hungry :(
i tried to sick it all back up after but i could not.
im not eating again today!
starting my five day fast tomorrow.. i hope it goes well.
i just weighed in at 100lbs. 
hope to 90 but the end of this month (Y)
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Current Mood: pissed off

 im about 5'4 - 5'5 and weigh around 100-2 lbs. 
i want to get down to around 83.
i am starting a fast on monday with rosa for five days and hopefully i will not give up like my last attempts :-) 

THINK THIN! STAY THIN!